When I’m not busy taking naps, I like to go to parties. So when I had the opportunity to go to the Betches Love This Book Launch Party, I quickly peaced out of Amherst on a Wednesday night and came back like one day after Spring Break ended. That’s the advantage of doing a psychology thesis–I only have to take two classes, both of which I rarely go to. And no, I’m not concerned that my thesis is due on April 19th and I have only written 5 out of 80 pages. I’m like really good at not doing work. Anyways, I went shopping for the betchiest outfit I could find–a white dress in March–and showed up at the party with my friend Ben*. He’s got the connections to The Betches & also he holds my purse. Since this party was super exclusive and secret, I can’t tell you everything that went down, but I can tell you that it was amaze. There was an open bar with Yellow Tail alcoholic beverages, including three glasses of champagne for me (fucking classy), and two floors at the Jane Hotel (obsessed) glammed out for the special night. Every song they played at the party was my favorite song, and that’s impressive considering I’m usually complaining about the music choice at events. I was kind of impressed by the groups of guys that showed up to this party with a betch to guy ratio of 6:1, but then Ben* mentioned that this would be the best party ever to pick up girls and I was like ew.
Not familiar with Betches Love this? Then you’re probably not worth my time. Just kidding, check out their website here. They are a hysterical satirical blog about rich girls who win at life. Here’s what the Head Betches have to say about the site:
BETCH: NOUN. \?BECH\
A betch is the one who has everything figured out. Everything she (or sometimes he, we’re looking at you Gay BFFs) associates with is trendy, every guy she interacts with wants to date her and every girl she meets is desperate to be her friend. She speaks her mind and commands a room just by being in it. She’s never waited on line at a club or bar in her life. She wears the best clothes and can pull off risqué, cool outfits with ease and without looking like a whore, or Lady Gaga. Her life is like an episode of The Hills, always involving some sort of drama with her friends or a guy that everyone wants to know about, even if they barely know her.
I was shaking in my boots to meet the Betches. When I told my mom about the party, she was like “wow, you are really starstruck by them” and I was like “OK I know betches don’t get starstruck, but like they are just so hilarious & they’re bloggers just like me!” and then my mom was like “shut up you’re boring me.” My mom is definitely the biggest betch I know–every time I show her a cute guy I met on Tinder she’s like “he’s probably short and gay.” But the point is, I was nervous to meet the Betches and they turned out to be super cool. I’m not surprised because they are so fucking amazing in writing, so why wouldn’t they be amazing in person? But I totally could’ve been catfished. Anyways, they were really nice and I loved their outfits. Speaking of outfits, check out mine below:
All in all I had a really fun time, despite the fact that I tripped and spilled wine on myself towards the end of the night. I wasn’t even blackout or anything, so it was really embarrassing. Anyways, you can buy The Betches new book, Nice is Just a Place in France: How to Win at Basically Everything, here. I also advise you to read their entire site because it will improve your quality of life. You’re welcome.*Fake name. Protecting his identity.